There was a very popular book many years ago that went by the title of “Everything I Know I Learned in Kindergarten,” or something to that effect. It spoke of how many important lessons are learned, mostly inadvertently, early in a child’s life and how powerfully those lessons impact our adult lives.
I remember agreeing with much of what the book had to say, and recently found myself thinking similar thoughts about the playing fields of my youth. Specifically, I was thinking back on all the little lessons I learned while playing pick-up games – of baseball, basketball, kickball, wiffleball, tag, 4-square, etc. – with all of my brothers, sisters and friends throughout my childhood years. I remember my appetite for pick-up games being insatiable when I was younger (some would claim that little has changed with me), which meant that I was always on the look-out for the “next game” of whatever sport happened to be in season. Looking back now, I firmly believe that all of those informal pick-up games helped to shape me as a person and instilled in me many “life skills” that I still use to this day.
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1. COMMUNICATION SKILLS- The nature of pick-up games is such that your first step involves trying to find enough players who want to play. I became very adept at calling friends, knocking on doors, cajoling neighbors, twisting arms and, in general, getting in as many people’s faces as it took to get two teams together. As a result of all of this practice that I had as a child, I now have no fear when it comes to “cold-calling” folks if I’m in need of coaches, game officials, or other kinds of help in any of my programs.
2. NEGOTIATION SKILLS– The next step in the world of pick-up games was always figuring out what the rules were going to be for the game. It wasn’t as easy as pulling out a rule book, since many rules had to be adapted in order to fit the field, parking lot, etc. that you were using that day and/or they had to be altered to accommodate a lack of players (eg the whole “ghost runner” concept). This whole process took well-honed negotiation skills, as your goal was to tweak the rules just enough to create a “good game” but not so much as to spoil the essence of the particular sport you were playing. The tricky part to this whole process was that you didn’t want to come across as being heavy-handed or a “jerk” and yet you wanted to make sure that your opinions were being heard. It was always a delicate balancing act and one that I learned well enough to carry me over into situations that I now encounter almost every day.
3. CREATIVITY/IMAGINATION– We rarely had the benefits of “official” equipment or facilities, so we were often forced to make do with what we had. This typically meant using broom handles instead of bats, taped up socks instead of balls, and using all kinds of trees, bushes, sticks, etc. for bases, goals and boundaries. I remember playing a completely made-up game of “Sock-et Ball” – a morphing of basketball, soccer, team handball and other sports - for hours with my friends, making up new rules as we went along, and having a great afternoon of fun and laughter. I still take great pride in being able to make a “game” out of even the most basic, rudimentary materials.
4. FLEXIBILITY– Often times we didn’t get things right the first time – either we forgot to add a necessary rule, or we found we had too many rules – so we had to stop in mid-game and make the necessary changes to the game. This required a lot of flexibility on everyone’s part as it would be easy for the team that was ahead to say, “Nah, let’s just leave it the way it is!” But everyone would (usually) cooperate and it wouldn’t be long before we were resuming the game with all of the newly formed rules in place.
5. PROCESS VS. PRODUCT ORIENTATION– The only reason all of the above worked was because most of us believed that “having fun” trumped all other goals, including “winning the game.” There were exceptions to this of course, but the guys who didn’t buy into this unspoken philosophy just weren’t invited back to play the next time. To be honest, we all strived to score the most runs, goals, or whatever while we were playing the game, but the real attraction was that we were having fun and that was all that seemed to matter. The result of the game was quickly forgotten within minutes of its conclusion. The focus turned to talking about the game – nice plays, good moves, etc. – and casting our eyes to the next game, which would inevitably have different rules, different teams, and different things to talk about. As long as it was fun, nobody cared about who won or lost the game. That would of course change when we started playing Little League and other organized sports – where results do matter – but pick-up games were always about the process. To this day I am still more of a process guy, always choosing fun over winning.
6. SELF SUFFICIENCY– We never had any adults around when we played our pick-up games – no parents, no coaches, no umpires – and that, by necessity, instilled feelings of self-sufficiency within all of us. We had to settle our own disputes, we had to deal with our own bumps and scrapes, and we had to learn things like sportsmanship and fair play on our own or risk damaging friendships. We created our own little society, with its own set of unspoken rules, and we made it all work somehow.
As I look around today, I wouldn’t go so far as to say that “These kids of today just don’t get it!” One, because it would make me sound like an old curmudgeon, and two, because I see a mixed bag when it comes to the dying art of playing pick-up games and the effects that’s having on children. On the one hand, I see that children of today are picking up many of the same skills – such as communication skills, the ability to negotiate, and a certain amount of creativity – in other ways, through interactive computer games, new sports such as Ultimate, etc. That’s great.
On the other hand, I see that today’s children, as a rule, tend to gravitate more towards “official” gear – the Barry Bonds bat, Michael Jordan shoe, etc. – and aren’t as able to just “make do” with whatever they find around them. I also see more of an orientation to “results” since computer games, by their nature, are set up to have a “right” series of answers if you want to successfully climb to the next level, and I believe that orientation carries over into other areas of their lives, including sports and games. If they don’t do something “right” I see today’s children getting easily frustrated and just wanting to move on to the next thing very quickly. That’s a shame.
The thing that worries me the most, however, is that children aren’t learning to work things out for themselves on the field of play. They seem to always have an adult around – parent, coach, or referee/umpire – to enforce the rules, mediate their disputes, and determine an eventual winner and loser. I understand the “why” behind it – that we live in a world filled with fears of child abductions, etc. – but I also feel that there must be a way to lengthen the leash a little bit so that children growing up today can experience the confidence that can only come from working through these types of challenges on their own. I know from first-hand experience that the lessons they would learn through these informal pick-up games would stay with them for the rest of their lives.
Bob Brandts is the Sports and Recreation Director for Amherst Leisure Services. If you have any comments regarding his column, you may contact him directly at 256-4068 ext. 105 or brandtsb@amherstma.gov
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